2003-02-18 - 8:41 p.m.

The Unnamable

Directed by Jean-Paul Ouelette

There’s something about H.P. Lovecraft that instantly adds an air of credibility to the box of a low-budget horror movie. “Oh, it’s H.P. Lovecraft? They must mean business.” Wrong. The Unnamable, although not a bad movie, is an average genre movie about a monster and a haunted house.

The plot is pretty paper-thin. The movie opens up in the olden days, where a old guy has a monster locked up in his house. We don’t know why. He must have created (summoned) it, but the movie gives no reasons why. Of course, the old man has classic Frankenstein syndrome and thinks the monster will be kind to him because it’s his creation. Of course, the monster has nothing to do but rip out his heart. Suddenly, it’s the present and a couple of college kids are listening to the story we just saw. It turns out the haunted house in question is about 10 feet from where they’re standing. One of them decides to go in. The other two go home. I think right about now you can guess the whole rest of the movie.

The monster itself is much scarier when it sticks to the shadows. Low-budget movies should realize that if your budget doesn’t allow for a good looking monster, there are ways to get around it and remain very effective. The Unnamable follows this until the very end where the monster is exposed. Turns out he’s got hooves, elf-ears, tiny wings, and cries like a girl. Yep, he’s not that scary.

I still enjoyed The Unnamable because there’s a certain feeling you get while watching these B-horror movies. Although I have no proof, I bet the people involved with the production had fun. Also, I’m amazed at how I can get sucked in. At the beginning of the movie, I wondered if maybe my scare factor had been lost somehow. I could only focus on the horrible effects and inane dialogue. Then, about half an hour in the movie, I managed to get with the groove and let the movie take me for an (albeit very quick and dirty) ride. I still got a tiny bit scared at places and I realized horror movies will never lose their appeal.

Scariness – 5

It’s pretty mediocre. It could have been scarier, but it also could have been less scarier.

Humor – 0

The bookworm character is supposed to get some laughs, but he doesn’t. Trust me.

Gore – 6

It’s definitely past the average mark, but not by much. There’s a lot of splattering.

Cheese – 4

The whole movie is pretty cheesy in and of itself. Plus, the acting is dreadful for the first half. It seems to get better as the movie progresses.

I can’t really recommend it. It’s not great, but it’s not bad. There are many other better movies out there, though.